Superhero Birth Stories
Its All Hallows Eve and we’re dressing up the blog. Enjoy!
Batgirl: Among other gadgets, she’s got a TENS unit and she knows how to use it.
Poison Ivy: uses herbal concoctions to induce labor (and manage pain!)
Aquagirl: Really doesn’t believe the ultrasound saying that she’s got low amniotic fluid. Denies an unnecessary induction.
Morticia Adams: Anesthesiologist walks in; “Would you like an epidural?” She responds, “Will it hurt more?”
Catwoman: having twins, decides that she doesn’t feel safe at the hospital, stops her labor, picks up Baby A, and proceeds to find a new birth space where she can be safe and alone.
Storm: tired of waiting for labor, changes the barometric pressure causing her waters to release. GAME ON
Jean Grey: faces transition. Fuck this. She’s the Phoenix. Theres no ring of fire stopping this birth.
Black Panther, T’challa: Doesn’t complain about six hours of hip squeezes. Hates being in the birth tub.
Black Panther, Shuri: Also hates the birth tub. And the shower. TENS is awesome. Wants to be alone. Likes counter-pressure on sacrum when she’s on hands and knees.
Spider Woman: sick of waiting for the squat bar. Spins herself a labor trapeze and a 10 foot rebozo. (Future baby-wearing pro)
Captain Marvel: 72 hour labor? She’s got nothing to prove. Epidural and a nap please?
Harley Quinn: 4 Day Induction. Never gets bored.
Joker: Gracefully takes a throat punch when asked “why so serious?”
Black Widow: Doesn’t need the squat bar. Or the bed.
Elastigirl: Checks her own cervix. And also dilates on command.
Gamora: is asked to turn over for a Gaskin maneuver. Jumps into a triple double AND catches the baby in the air
Mystique: Engorgement? Handled.
Rogue: probably shouldn’t elect for immediate skin to skin.
Sailor Moon: goes past her due date and gives birth during the full moon. SHOCKER
Beast: Isn’t about to let his partner go in for that 39-week induction over some sham-ass ARRIVE study. Also spent the last trimester becoming an Evidence Based Birth instructor.
Pepper Potts: Assuming she’ll be handling the emotional labor *as per usual* doesn’t bother to consult with Tony about hiring a team of postpartum doulas.
Wonder Woman: uses the lasso of truth to ask her care providers if that “aging placenta” induction is really necessary.
Invisible Woman: Says, fuck these COVID restrictions. I’m walking the halls and getting my own damn ice chips. WHOS GOING TO STOP ME?
She-ra: has no problem squatting for the duration of a 4 hour pushing stage